How you can build trust, wealth and harmony as a couple

Money is one of the most sensitive topics in any relationship. It can bring people closer together or quietly drive them apart.

Many couples only talk about money when things go wrong, but by then the damage is often done. Open, honest and ongoing conversations about money can help couples avoid misunderstandings, reduce stress and build a secure future together.

Warren Ingram, a wealth manager and director of Galileo Capital, says the reason so many couples struggle financially has little to do with how much they earn and everything to do with how they communicate.

“When couples do not talk about money, they tend to make assumptions about what the other person values. Those assumptions lead to frustration and conflict. Talking about money early and often creates alignment and trust,” he says.

Hayley Parry, money coach and co-founder of Worth & The Money School, agrees. “Money is deeply emotional; it is tied to our sense of safety, success and even self-worth,” she explains.

“Many couples avoid money conversations because they fear conflict or judgement. But avoiding the topic does not make financial stress disappear, it only builds resentment.”

Maya Fischer-French, personal finance educator and author, says too few couples treat money management as a shared responsibility, often to their own detriment.

So, how can couples start talking about money before it becomes a source of tension? Here are five key financial topics every couple should discuss, along with practical advice from both experts:

1. Income and financial goals

Start with the basics. Talk openly about how much you each earn, how you spend and save, and what your short- and long-term goals look like. This conversation sets the tone for your financial life together, whether it is buying a home, planning a wedding or building a retirement plan.

Parry says it is best to frame the conversation positively. “Instead of asking, ‘Why are we spending so much?’, try, ‘What are our goals and how can we plan to get there together?’ Keep the tone curious rather than critical and make it a shared journey rather than a blame game.”

Couples should also make their financial goals measurable and realistic, Ingram says. “Dreaming is important, but planning is essential. Decide what success looks like for both of you and then map out the steps to get there. Without shared goals, it is impossible to build wealth together.”

2. Debt and credit habits

Few topics are more uncomfortable than debt, but honesty is non-negotiable. Both partners should be transparent about what they owe, from student loans and credit cards to car finance.

“Debt is not always bad, but it must be intentional,” says Parry. “Before signing anything, be open about what you both owe and earn. Ask whether this debt moves you closer to your goals or further away.”

Ingram believes that too many couples treat debt as an individual issue, which can quickly lead to tension. “A relationship is a partnership. If one partner carries debt, the other is indirectly affected. Work out a joint repayment plan that is fair and sustainable. Avoid blame and focus on progress.”

“Any debt that you take on as a couple, whether it is buying a car, a home, or even taking out a personal loan, has an impact on your household cash flow. You need to sit down and decide if it is something you can actually afford, and that conversation starts with a budget,” Fischer-French says.

The experts agree that automation and accountability are key. Set up automatic payments and review your progress together monthly. Financial education can also help couples understand interest rates and repayment schedules.

3. Budgeting and shared expenses

Once you have covered income and debt, it is time to talk about day-to-day spending. A shared budget helps you stay on the same page about monthly expenses, savings and lifestyle choices.

Parry explains that fairness is about equity, not equality. “If one partner earns more, they might contribute a higher percentage. The goal is fairness, not a 50/50 split.”

Ingram suggests couples use what he calls the “three-bucket system”. “Have one account for joint expenses, one for savings and one for personal spending. It gives both partners freedom and accountability,” he says.

Parry’s version of this is the “Yours, Mine and Ours” approach. “This system allows independence while maintaining transparency. It helps avoid resentment because each person still has a sense of control.”

Fischer-French says shared finances should not mean losing your financial independence.  “It is absolutely essential that each partner has their own personal money,” she says. “You should be able to spend on yourself, guilt-free, without that affecting the family finances,” she says.

Budgeting should feel empowering, not restrictive. It gives couples a clear picture of where their money goes and helps prevent unnecessary stress.

4. Saving and planning for emergencies

Every couple should have a savings strategy that includes short-term goals, long-term plans and an emergency fund. Life happens - jobs change, cars break down, and medical bills arrive uninvited.

Parry encourages couples to “dream together before planning together”. “Ask each other what matters most? Is it buying a home, travelling, or securing your children’s future? Once you know your shared priorities, it becomes easier to plan and save for them.”

Consistency is more important than perfection, Ingram adds. “The habit of saving is more valuable than the amount you start with. Even if you can only save a few hundred rand a month, make it automatic and build from there.”

Aim to save at least 20 percent of your combined income if possible. Divide it between emergency funds, retirement plans and investments that align with your goals.

5. Family expectations and cultural beliefs

In South Africa, family often plays a central role. Couples should discuss any financial responsibilities toward extended family or traditional obligations.

“Transparency means no financial surprises,” Parry says. “Trust is built through small, consistent actions, such as paying bills on time and being honest about family commitments.”

Ingram says this is an area where communication and boundaries are vital. “Family pressure can be intense, but couples need to agree on what they can realistically contribute. Support your loved ones, but not at the expense of your own financial security.”

Building a financial partnership

A strong financial relationship is built on trust, education and teamwork. Both partners should stay involved and informed.

Parry suggests scheduling regular “money dates”. These are short, relaxed check-ins over coffee where you discuss your goals, budget and any challenges. “Timing and tone matter,” she says. “Avoid talking about money when you are angry or stressed. Make it a calm, constructive conversation.”

Beyond this Parry recommends a deeper review every six months to check on progress towards goals. Celebrate small wins, such as paying off a credit card or growing your emergency fund. These victories build confidence and strengthen your partnership.

Ingram believes that regular communication is what separates couples who survive financially from those who thrive. “Money is not just about maths. It is about mindset. When couples talk about money openly, they are not just managing finances, they are building trust and creating a shared future.”

Being good with money is not just about earning more. It is about learning, planning and growing together. Couples who talk about money regularly and honestly give themselves the best chance of building not just wealth, but a lifetime of peace, purpose and partnership.

COUPLES MONEY CHECKLIST
Topic	What to Discuss	Why it Matters	Check/Tick
Debt	List all debts and agree on a repayment plan.	Avoids surprises and helps you manage repayments together.
Budget	Decide how to share expenses and set spending limits.	Keeps spending transparent and prevents arguments over money.
Emergency Fund	Create savings for unexpected costs.	Protects you from financial stress during tough times.
Goals	Set short- and long-term goals together.	Aligns your vision for the future and motivates saving.
Insurance	Review cover for health, life, and disability.	Safeguards both partners against financial shocks.
Financial Roles	Decide who manages bills and savings.	Builds accountability and teamwork in managing money.
Money Values	Talk about attitudes and habits with money.	Encourages understanding and reduces conflict over priorities.
Big Purchases	Agree on how to decide on major buys.	Prevents resentment and ensures shared decision-making.
Regular Check-ins	Schedule time to review your finances.	Keeps you both informed and on track with your goals.
www.smartaboutmoney.co.za

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